The unwritten rules for Hug a Gay Day
My initial post on Hug a Gay Day has created some discussion within the internet-ether. Well OK, someone commented on someone’s FaceBook about it, and someone else linked to it from a gay forum, but the first description sounded a lot more impressive didn’t it?
Anyway, what’s become clear to me is a couple of things:
- Hardly anyone knew about the day. Let’s call this Lack of Brand Awareness.
- There appears to be quite a lot of misunderstanding on the protocols, rules and general “dos and don’ts” of the day. After all no one seams to have written any guidelines for it. Let’s call this Who hugs who and how.
So … that’s where I come in. Consider this the definitive list of protocols, rules and guidelines for how hug a gay day works. While this mainly focuses on the 2nd issue (the who hugs who bit), I figure any discussion about the day is good and should help with the first issue (lack of brand awareness). Anyway, I have broken this into three sections.
- What is the day for (this helps a lot with the rest)
- Who should hug who, and what’s the protocol about asking
- The questions no one wants to ask (but every straight guy wants to know) (i.e “Will people think I am gay if I hug for too long” ?)
Oh, and as an extra bonus, I will mention how this links in with the secret gay agenda that so many people believe is out there.
International Hug a Gay Day is, IMHO, designed to help break down the barriers between straight and gay people, and enable straight people who are not homophobic (or at least trying not to be) to show it to a gay friend. I guess it COULD be hugging a stranger but I think that may cause a few too many issues, so let’s just stick with friends and people you know OK? Baby steps people.
Now that we have established what the day is for, it makes it a bit easier to see who should hug who:
- This day is about straight people showing that they are cool with their gay friends and OK expressing appropriate physical affection to/with them (sounds so clinical when I say it like that eh?)
- The day is NOT about gay people hugging each other. Put another way, let’s just say there is nothing wrong with gay people hugging each other on this day, but that can (and should) happen EVERY day.
- To clarify also, its not about self-hugs, inter-species hugs (hugging your gay dog doesn’t count), nor is it about gay people approaching straight friends asking for a hug. Don’t get me wrong, that’s fine, you can do that ANY day you want, it’s just not what THIS day is about. I mean you could HINT I guess, but I think that’s cheating. So I say “no asking”. It has to be “straight initiated”.
- What IS allowed is telling straight people about the day (remember the first issue?) so they at least know it’s on.
- Oh, and just in case anyone is asking, inanimate objects (pillows etc) don’t count either.
Where does one start? I will start by saying I am no expert on this, an in fact no one even sent me the gay manual (although these people wrote one). Mind you, this is no different to how no one send parents the instruction manual for babies – maybe this one would help? But anyway .. I have gone to the source of all modern information (yes, the great Google), cross referenced it by asking the gayest friends I know (and I can tell you, they are GAY as), asked my straight mates (notice how I have “Gay Friends” and “Straight Mates”? – it just show how I can mingle so well in both circles – and before anyone abuses me, that was a JOKE). So .. here are the questions (and answers) no one wants to ask, but everyone wants to know:
Q1: Does hugging another guy mean I am gay?
A1: This was a tricky one – so I had to check the interweb. Seams most people say “NO”. So I will go with that.
Q2: How long is too long? (we are talking hug length here)
A2: My gay friends said no more than 5 seconds, my straight mates said (on average), around 3. So let’s say under 4 seconds. Better still, let’s make it catchy: Hug for 3, and you’ll be free, hug for 4, and you might get more. (Did that make any sense? Can you tell I don’t write jingles for a living?)
Q3: Will I catch anything?
A3: What like a good fashion sense? Or the ability to arrange flowers? Or maybe being able to talk to women without staring at their breasts? NO, these are innate characteristics from birth, if you don’t have them yet you are just out of luck. You MIGHT pick up a better hugging technique, as its now well accepted that gay guys hug better.
Q4: How much should I hug on a first hug, and are subsequent hugs different?
A4: Now this is a good question! In reverse order, yes, and see below on how NOT to do it. Do something in between.
We have time for one last question:
Q5:I have been told that if I hug a guy it actually makes me more attractive to women, as it shows I am in touch with my feelings and able to express them in appropriate ways. Would you care to comment?
A5: Ummm, OK, I’ll go with that. YES
I have just read the above Q&A and realised I have probably created more confusion than answered any burning questions, so I will make up for it with two things.
1) A real instructional video on how to hug
Note this video is not how to hug a gay it’s actually how to hug a GUY. You should do with hugging what you do with everything else – treat gay-folk the same. So a guy-guy hug should be the same whether or not one of the guys is gay. (If BOTH are gay, then it can be different, but as already explained, this is NOT what the day is about, and I would need to write a whole post on gay-gay hugs. Now that I think of it, there are already plenty of sites that do this quite nicely).
Now many people will have heard of this, you know every time equality for the rights of gay and lesbian couple are mentioned, or gay rights is mentioned, or children and gay men, or .. well more less anything. There are SOME that believe there is a secret gay agenda to convert unsuspecting straight people to be GAY. Yes, that’s right, they believe there is a recruitment department of the gay mafia.
Anyway, I have heard, that the whole idea behind Hug a Gay Day is actually so that homosexuality will be spread throughout the world. Not sure how, but if it is true it probably has something to do with the midichlorians (remember StarWars?) or possibly via generic engineering, I am not sure which. Anyway, everyone I asks denies this, so it hard not think “CONSPIRACY”. I mean Elvis, the moon, and now this .. it’s clear to me where it’s heading. So no, nothing to see here, move on.
Black and White Version: Hug a gay today, any day, especially if you are straight. If you are gay, hug anyone you like (but you do that anyway right?).
PS: If you live in America it’s still not too late – it’s TODAY. If you live in New Zealand, its now Hug a Gay Boxing Day (does that mean there are gay-sales?)
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